Start of the 25th.

I remember that I once told a colleauge that my mind works in a clustered manner. I think about million of things all at the same time. There’s no linear path to my thoughts where they are all lined properly. I’m having lot of thoughts, images of scenarios, words spoken by others, imaginations all running in my head.

There must be a medical term to explain my current mental condition. I was thinking lately if I need a shrink. Or I just need to get away from what I’m drown in right now.

I suspect the sudden hair loss is not due to the high level of salt intake from the food, but rather this invisible stress that was built within me over the past few months. I read that when hair loss is possible when a person is under going a traumatised level of stress.

I have the urge to quit my job and just go somewhere for months to sort my feelings out. I haven’t been able to do so, or complete the process earlier this year when I left my former company. I wish I don’t have to worry about the money issues.

Everytime when I asked myself what is the exact problem with myself, and when I couldn’t give myself a satisfactory answer  I get even more frustrated. Sometimes the tears will just flow. My anxiety attacks are surfacing more often now, but most of the time they are under control. I’m worried that there will be a day when I can’t control furthemore, I will just break down and cry.

I… think… I’m…. sinking.. into… another…. depression, again.

Now, if I can say I suspect myself getting caught in a depression, it shows that I ain’t really depressed. Or no? I’m not sure. And I’m kinda worried, cos I can’t think of any place to go hide, or anyone to open my heart and talk to.