for record purposes.
really, wtf?!
Disappointed.
One is like this, another one is also like this. Really, wtf.
Patience November 6, 2009
I have to keep reminding myself ”slow and steady wins the race.”It doesn’t matter how or where you started the race, what is most important is where you end you race, and what you’ve achieved at the end of the race.
I enjoy watching HK drama, cos they make me think alot. I’m just done watching 少年四大名捕.
Alright, enough thinking for today. Time to hit the sack. *yawn*
Good night all~
getting bored November 6, 2009
Just as what I’ve calculated, with my travelings and expenses, my savings could only last me for three months long.. 3 month’s time is going to be up pretty soon.
I’m starting to get bored of the long holiday.
My recruiter sent me an sms saying that her MD would like to have a chat with me and see what he can offer me for future assignments. Hmm.
My home business is not working well, cos I’m having problems with the food license etc. I spoke to a few “adults”, their best advise is to do it in a small retail and hold out for at least 6 months to see if this will work. Sigh. That means, I need to put down my dream to get a good paying job and save up the money.
Admin / secretariat jobs pay me better than my dream job.
I hope to get into LG. But that will need me to hold on till next year. Well.. let’s see what I can do meanwhile to get more $$$.
I don’t want this Christmas to be a poor one.
double sigh. November 5, 2009
I want to be rich..
So that I can afford for my family.
So that we do not have to worry where to get the money from.
So that my mum could quit on her boss and not slog just for the meagre $700.
So that I can travel twice a year with my family.
So that I can give good presents to my frirends.
So that I can move into a bigger house.
So that I can give my mum the best medical attention she can get
So that I can take care of my family even after I’m gone.
So that…
So that i can do alot of things that i can’t do now.
我在想，如果是她，你会这样吗？
Sometimes, I wonder if I’m so independent that you think i’m dispensable? It is either that or you’re just not sensitive to my feelings at all. It has reached a point where I don’t even feel like talking even when you ask me. What is the point of talking when I no longer feel the need to share my feelings and thoughts?
我不明白这些眼泪是为了什么而流。
I love all my friends dearly. I hold each of them close to my heart.
* * *
I’m going to HK from 14 – 18 Nov. And I will most probably be heading to KL on 20th and then Penang after that. When I’m done with my business there, will most likely head to Bangkok via train from Penang. (=
I’m going to be away for quite sometime.
When I return, my job hunts begin.
the forgotten depression November 3, 2009
I saved a draft of a depressing entry last night. I was actually on the verge of tears until Max called and informed me that he’s arrived. We were heading to meet Daniel.
Anyway, I’m glad I didn’t finish writing that entry. I would say it would be pretty depressing. It had got to do with my student and also my mum’s meagre salary. It was all about guilt and self-destruction.
I’ve learnt the lesson from this session of tuition and I hope my little girl is alot better today. I have to face the music of talking to her later when I go over for tuition. I’m sure she hates me now for causing the whipping session from her mother.
It is weird how clearer and positive I become when I woke up in the morning. I choose to continue this entry from here.
Educating kids are never easy. In such case of my P3 girl, she’s going to be a tough one. I’ve been with the family for 2 years and I’ve known her since her P1. They call me “sister” instead of the usual “teacher” by other students. First, she lied to me about not spending any minute on the television and had been busy with school work, hence she didn’t even bother with my reading and vocabulary list. Upon uncovering her lies last weekend, she apologised to me.
Again, this week on, she was caught copying answers from the answer sheet. I’ve asked her many times if she’s copied the answers and she said no. I even explained to her that asking her again and again is giving her the chance to own up, she swore she didn’t. I had to resort to copying the questions from the paper onto Words and jumbled up all the questions. I asked her to do them again the next day. The first five questions attempted were all wrong.
After I marked the paper, I asked her again if she cheated. Then she nodded. I asked her to go inform her mother on her own. And there, she started her reasoning knowing that she’s wrong, and that I should understand from her point of view, and listen to her explanation. I was even madder. I told her i will listen to her explanation together with her mother.
Things led from one to another. Her mum later also uncovered the lies that she had been telling for the past two months. She was fuming mad, and there started to beat the hell out of her. Forced her to finish up the two chilli padi if not she will be thrown out of the house. Today’s her English Paper 2. She’s missing the paper.
Sigh… I felt really guilty. Not that I shouldn’t have reported the matter to her mother, but I wasn’t expecting it to lead to other matters and that will cause such a beating.
转动 November 2, 2009
在不久以前的我已近了解“地球不会因为你而停止转动” 这句话的意思。也许因为这句话，我才会什么都拿得起放得下。说难听点，是无情。
我不明白为什么有些人很喜欢在同样的位置兜圈圈。兜了半年，一年，三年，十 或二十年，位置还是一样。有些还可能兜一辈子。因为对某件事情，或是为了某个人而不停的在原地兜圈， 不愿往别处向前。。错过了许多美好事物。对我而言，这是一种愚蠢的忠心。人的一生就这样的白费了。。 是很可悲的。
Thank God! October 31, 2009
I received a phone call from FI just now.
The reason why she called was she wanted to ask how serious I am with my home business. Papa received a call from my mom and my mom had asked Papa to help get the equipment for me. And both the old folks are up in BM for a wedding dinner and ask FI to check with me on how serious I am with my idea and proposal. They are checking out the price of the equipment.
I’m touched. Touched that my mum made that call. Touched that they are giving me their support by such little acts. I feel loved.
Playing in the background: Better in Time (Leona Lewis)
I’m actually starting to enjoy my life right now. I’ve not been so clear, so relaxed and so in peace with myself in my whole life. In fact, I’ve never been.
I still have my set of problems. They are still there even though I’m much happier. I still have my financial problems, my medical problems, my educational problems etc… But I’m happy. Things have become better when my perspective of life changes. I’ve dropped myself out of the corporate rat race. What’s climbing up the corporate ladder? What’s tackling office politics about? What’s watching my back? What’s dealing with difficult people? All these matter no more. All I know is being happy and contented is the best that I could get right now.
A lot of you might be concern about my medical condition. After a few rounds of acupuncture and physiotherapy, I’m better but not the best. Yes, I still can’t carry heavy things or walk for more than 20 mins. But I’m better. I’ve lesser pain and numbness now. But they are still there. The Associate Prof told me that I’ve to shed 20kg off my body, swim more, take up Pilate and Yoga to strengthen my torso so that they are strong enough to hold my spine. He also recommended to quit smoking (he didn’t know I’m a smoker). I will see him again 4 months later and if my pain and numbness still persist, I will need to be put on the operation table. Normally operation will not be recommended unless the situation is bad. My situation is bad, judging from the MRI scan. The glucosamine between my L3, L4, L5 and S disc are almost destroyed. So my dear friends who are reading this… please take good care of your body, your heart and your soul.
What am I doing? I have three tuition assignments going on, which brings me a total income of approx. $500 a month. I’m a freelancer for projects / assignments. I facilitated a few tours with a few schools. The tours gave me the extra cash and also the opportunity to work with students ranging from P1 to Sec 4. The tours also discipline me to be more responsible towards the people I’m working with and also for my own sake. Just cos I’m working with young kids, I’m steered to be more responsible and more aware of what I’m doing. And because I know I’ve limited cash income, my taxi ride frequency drop. You would not believe me if I tell you I’ve been waking up as early as 5am so that I could catch the first train to report work at 7am.
I’m going to be taking up a few assignments as a trainer. First assignment starts next week and that will be the first time I’m teaching in a school’s compound. If I like it, I will carry on doing it for a longer period of time. This also serves a passage for me to find out if teaching suits me. I’ve never really know if I’m suitable to be a teacher despite being a tutor for the past 5 years.
I’m not earning much but enough for me to survive. Pay the bills and afford one or two good meals at the restaurants once in a while, catch aone or two movies in the cinema occasionally. I have more time to myself. I can pack up and return to KL as and when I like to. I can devote myself to the things that I’ve set out to do (for example, my home business which I’m still trying to start up).
Really, Thank God! Thank God for such blessing in disguise. Leaving my job is not a bad thing for me after all.
This Is It! October 31, 2009
This Is It! Michael’s last curtain call that never was brought live to all of us… I cried a few times while watching this documentary/movie. Michael’s so talented, he knows his music, his moves, and knows what he wanted. Every little details that he cared about was all brought to perfection because he wanted to show the best for his fans.. It’s all for love - L.O.V.E.
Why didn’t I act fast? October 28, 2009
sigh.
Why didn’t I act fast when I had the idea? Now, someone told me that someone is already carrying out the idea… I need to act faster! I need to find someone who has $$$ to be my partner.
Damn it.
Seriously, if this fails, I really ought to slap myself twice and hard.
This probably is the second regret in my life. The first one was my education.
un-inspired entry October 28, 2009
I have a lot to say, to share and to vent. But I always fail to be able to write out one complete entry here. I have no idea what is the reason behind such reluctance. It could be the layout of WordPress that is boring me, or the keys on my keyboard don’t feel good at all.. Heck the of the lack of willingness to type, I will force my fingers across the keyboard and type…
I was very inspired to start up a home business and carried out the much needed work to roll out the project.. but half way through, I’m losing the motivation to carry on, i’m losing the faith that it will work out the way I’ve wanted it to be. It is not the problems that I’ve faced are putting me down, but something else.. it is incomprehensible to me why it turned out to be this way. I know the next step that I’ve to carry out is to do it. Never mind that you do not understand what I’m saying here.. it is meant just for me.
For the first time I think being jobless is not a good thing – not that i’m running low on cash but it is because I start to have a lot of questions and thought running through in my mind. And I imagine alot. This is really bad.
why the hell am i still awake here typing this? I have work later and need to leave my house by 5.30am
I am glad that the company that I went for interview is not hiring me. These few days, I’m still thinking if I would want to jump into starting a full time job so fast, or if I want to carry on doing what I’ve started out. I’ve decided that I do not want to get any permanent job at this moment. If there’s any job that I apply for, it will be a 3 months temp administration job. If not, I will be taking up freelance jobs.
I am enjoying every moment of this holiday that I’ve given myself. The only thing I’ve to worry is to get more $$$ while I enjoy. I dreamt of Langkawi last night.. and I miss that place. I’m putting that on my “To Visit” list.
X’mas is coming soon.. I’m thinking if i should be here or out of here.
